I'm off!

Well...it has been a month since the news came of the new cage match that would soon be starting. Stage III Diffused Large B-cell Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. Wow....that says a lot of nothing. To make a long story short, it means a rough road ahead and at a month later, I fear it has only just begun. This is not how I had uintended on spending my summer. So many plans...so many dreams. Yes, those things are still there...tucked away. Yet it seems that the farther I get into this match, the less tangible these plans and dreams are. To be able to ride on the back of a dragonfly in flight now is the dream I have. The dream, perhaps chemo induced, would take me to places I could only imagine. A place where the sickness and pain from this match called cancer does NOT exhist. I know this is not reality and most days, I am okay with that. Days like today when it is all I can do to get out of bed and even the typing on this keyboard feels as though someone is hammering on the ends of my fingers, those are the days that all I seem to be able to do is dream of that place the dragonfly could take me and pray that I really do make it onto the other side of the ring into the Winner's Circle.

This match has been different from any other match even though cancer has been a match of mine before. This match has taken me to places I have never been, introducd me to people I am honorred to call friend, and shown me a strength that I was not sure I could possess. Strength...that is an interesting word. I believe it begins with courage. I recently heard a recitation by the phenomenal Doctor Maya Angelou. She spoke of courage as being the single most important attribute. She said that without courage, we would not have the ability to exhibit any other attribute consistently. I tend to agree. The problem with exhibting courage and strength consistently, is that the job description increases. You show that you are good at it and that is what everyone comes to expect...including yourself. Everything else, is perceived as a failure...at least to me. I don't want to be good at being sick. I want to be good at being a friend...a teacher....at inspiring people to do what it takes to make it through..at making a difference in the world. Perhaps, this is another chemo induced dream and when this is all over, well...who knows?!?!?!

For today...it is easier to be in that dream state....to ride on the back of a dragon fly to a world where this cage match called cancer does NOT exhist.