I'm off!

Well...it has been a month since the news came of the new cage match that would soon be starting. Stage III Diffused Large B-cell Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. Wow....that says a lot of nothing. To make a long story short, it means a rough road ahead and at a month later, I fear it has only just begun. This is not how I had uintended on spending my summer. So many plans...so many dreams. Yes, those things are still there...tucked away. Yet it seems that the farther I get into this match, the less tangible these plans and dreams are. To be able to ride on the back of a dragonfly in flight now is the dream I have. The dream, perhaps chemo induced, would take me to places I could only imagine. A place where the sickness and pain from this match called cancer does NOT exhist. I know this is not reality and most days, I am okay with that. Days like today when it is all I can do to get out of bed and even the typing on this keyboard feels as though someone is hammering on the ends of my fingers, those are the days that all I seem to be able to do is dream of that place the dragonfly could take me and pray that I really do make it onto the other side of the ring into the Winner's Circle.

This match has been different from any other match even though cancer has been a match of mine before. This match has taken me to places I have never been, introducd me to people I am honorred to call friend, and shown me a strength that I was not sure I could possess. Strength...that is an interesting word. I believe it begins with courage. I recently heard a recitation by the phenomenal Doctor Maya Angelou. She spoke of courage as being the single most important attribute. She said that without courage, we would not have the ability to exhibit any other attribute consistently. I tend to agree. The problem with exhibting courage and strength consistently, is that the job description increases. You show that you are good at it and that is what everyone comes to expect...including yourself. Everything else, is perceived as a failure...at least to me. I don't want to be good at being sick. I want to be good at being a friend...a teacher....at inspiring people to do what it takes to make it through..at making a difference in the world. Perhaps, this is another chemo induced dream and when this is all over, well...who knows?!?!?!

For today...it is easier to be in that dream state....to ride on the back of a dragon fly to a world where this cage match called cancer does NOT exhist.

Drink it up....

Yesterday, my cage match was unexpected. Finding myself in a rather ornery mood, against what wanted to do, I went out to my son's baseball game. Just a short amount of time after leaving home, I found myself sitting in the sunshine, wanting to drink up all that was around me that is placed here for OUR enjoyment. The wind was blowing, the sun was shining, you could hear the parents cheering, and the boys on the team were laughing and joking as if to be one family. I thought how interesting that all these boys who come from different home lives, who with some of them , the only thing they share in common is a love for baseball, but yet they get it somehow. It is about making memories, progressing..getting better at something, and leaving an impression or mark when you are gone. Some of these boys will go on to do amazing things in the world's eyes but most of them will accomplish the AMAZING tasks and roles as friends, fathers, and husbands. These are all roles that I know I want for my own boys someday. Then, I started thinking how it is that these boys, seemingly unrelated to one another, know how to buoy their family, their baseball family, and we as a Heavenly Family, with an eternal perspective, cannot seem to accomplish this. We have been given the best example in our Heavenly Father who is proud of all our accomplishments, weeps when we weep, laughs when we laugh, and has experienced the ultimate pain of sacrificing a child. He gives us everything we need to make it back to Him and shows us how we can be Joyful along the journey home. All we need to do is DRINK IT UP!!! If we drink of these things so freely given to us, we will know how to and want to buoy each other and help each other along our path home.

Look closely.....

So...what happened to get me to the point where I am today, well..it does not really matter. The point is that I AM HERE TODAY and there was a time when I did not think I would be. Sometimes I think there is so much to do, to learn, to experience, that I miss out on what is setting right in front of me. I find myself wondering....Is this as good as it gets? Today, or shall I say the past few days, I have been in a "poopy" state of existence and found myself wondering that very thing again. But then I have an evening like tonight........and don't need to ask that question because if this is as good as it gets, I am content.

We were sent here to experience, learn, and grow. Well, I can say that I have experienced many things. Some exciting, frightening, horrific, beautiful, funny, sad, and many AMAZING things and I would trade none of them because they have formed who I am. Have I learned from these experiences?.?.? Well....I would like to think I have but I am certain that some days, I needed Special Ed. because no matter how the lesson was presented to me, I still didn't get it. But as far as growth....well....every plant that ever grew, had to go through a whole lot of dirt to get there. So, I guess if I seem "poopy" some days...I am being fertilized right then. So...please be patient.

If you look closely...you can see the blossom!

Getting started....

Getting started on this whole blogging business is really not an easy task. First there was, creating a name. I pondered this for a bit and realized that a nickname that had come up during a recent health fiasco would be perfect. Thus "Janimal's Cage Match" came to be. I thought what a great chance this was to express thoughts, ideas, and feelings in regards to the "matches" I face on a daily basis. Some of them being very funny, some sentimental, some outrageous, some embarrassing, and others just incredible that I managed to get out of the cage after the match at all.

On this, I hope to share words that will inspire, cause reflection, and leave a record for my posterity to draw strength from in the "matches" in their lives. Perhaps...as you read these words....you will be inspired as well.